In 2012, I conducted or assisted in one funeral every eighteen days as a minister of the gospel. a few years ago after my daddy's passing, I delivered a lesson titled "To Whom Shall We go." It had three points and shortly thereafter, I decided to put it in tract form thus producing three separate tracts.
In talking with my sister, she said, "Bubba, you should make them available." Smart sister...never thought to blog them; I guess because of their length. But, someone might be hurting because of a loss of a loved one. Please know I am sorry and know there are many that have walked your path.
So, I hope the following will be salve for the soul...from the Wildwood.
“TO WHOM SHALL WE GO”: WHEN DEATH ARRIVES
In
John 6:63-68, we find Jesus and His
disciples, some privately complaining (murmuring), some that did not believe
and yet, some that did. When Jesus asked
would others go away after some had departed we see the answer of Simon Peter
in verse 68, “Lord, to whom shall we go?
thou hast the words of eternal life.”
Yes, through Christ and His word we are reminded there is life in Christ
and His word—the great declaration from Peter.
Today we ask Peter’s question, “Lord, to whom shall we go.” but,
specifically, to Whom shall we go in times of trouble? And yes, in this life we will have
troubles. “Man that is born of a woman is
of few days and full of trouble” (Job 14:1) and Jesus knew we would
have troubled hearts (John 14:1, 2), but He quickly
assured us He would be there.
In our “To Whom shall we go” series,
let’s ask “To Whom shall we go when death arrives?”
“A merry heart maketh
a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken”
(Proverbs 15:13). I know of no greater sorrow to the heart than
to lose a loved one whether suddenly or lengthy suffering—either way, such
sorrow breaks the spirit and the heart as well.
The scripture teaches us this is a path we will all go down (unless the
Lord returns and time ends): “It is appointed unto man once to die, then
the judgment” (Hebrews 9:27), but what about those of us that are left
here?
We note through the
scriptures Job’s suffering, David’s children (three died and one defiled) and
even Christ in the loss of John the Baptist (Matthew 14:1-12), so we
are not alone. At times of death, our
spirits are broken and our lives are changed permanently. However, we can go on…and we must.
I can recall the
night after my daddy was buried. I was
staying at my mother’s house and I awakened during the night with an
unbelievable pain just above my stomach, but it was not a “physical” type
pain. I arose and for a moment I
literally had to stop and think about what to do and where to go. I went outside, looked up at the night sky
and asked “Lord, is this how grief feels” and I became physically sick, albeit
for a moment. It eased and I returned to
bed. A few days later while in my
office, again I had to stop and think about how to do things going step by step
in my mind—things I had done for years!
Know that feeling or anything
close to it? I made it through and
others have made it through—so can you.
BE
CAREFUL WITH THESE TWO THINGS
I know two areas we
must be careful with and avoid at all possible when death arrives:[1]
1.
Some
blame God (Job 2:9). We see Job’s wife telling Job “…curse God and
die.” It is easy for us to blame God
when our loves ones are taken. However,
we must realize that death entered into the world because of the sin of man
(Genesis 3). “Wherefore, as by one man
sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men,
for that all have sinned” (Romans 5:12).
We lay the blame at the feet of the creator of sin, Satan himself who
deceived Eve who in turn deceived Adam.
It was man’s choice to turn away from God for that moment and to listen
to Satan.
2. Others will stop living. In the parable of the sower in Matthew 13:21,
think of those obedient and endured for a while but in the time of tribulation
of persecution, they fell away. How many
people turn from God, cease attending worship and draw away from fellow
Christians? This actually delays healing
and one forgoes strength that could be granted to get us through.
Overcoming and
dealing with these two areas early in your grief will go a long way to make
each day bearable and allow your healing to be just a little more each
day. Do we ever “get over it?” If we get over the sadness we will get over
the happiness the loved one gave us. I
personally hope I never get over the loss of my Daddy, but I must grow from it,
live with it and move onward.
LET US
LEARN FROM DAVID
I
believe we would do well to apply what David did after the loss of his child (2
Samuel 12:20-24). During the illness of
the child, David pleaded, prayed, fasted and mourned. However, after the child passed, David did
move onward. Solomon states how “…the
mourners go about the streets” (Ecclesiastes 12:5) and we must go onward. David’s example shows us how:
1.
Clean
and refresh ourselves (20). We have
given all that we can to the one that has passed on with care and concern. We have gone as far as we could and we must
look back knowing we did our best. Make
certain we look our best and visit others—be around people!
2.
Worship
in the house of the Lord (20). It is sad
of those that choose not to do this because of a memory of the loved one that
has passed on or a song may remind us of the funeral service. However, you can make it and it becomes
easier. I attended worship the following
Sunday and a couple of songs were difficult for me to make it through, but I
renewed my reason for being there—to worship my God (John 4:24) who would
comfort and strengthen me (2 Corinthians 1:3).
And, oh the hugs and encouragement I received. I recalled the words of Peter from the
marvelous mount, “Lord, it is good for us to be here…” (Matthew 17:4).
3.
Maintain
good health (20, 21). We note that David
did eat what was set before him. Again,
we have given all we could give to the loved one that has passed now it is time
to tend to ourselves for our health and well being, especially if you were the
primary caregiver.
4.
Accept
the loved one has passed away and will not come back (23). This will take time—shorter for some, longer
for others. Dealing with grief varies
with each individual.[2] However, this level of acceptance is noted by
grief counselors and those that have lived through a loss as the key to moving
onward with ones life.
5.
Look
toward eternity. David said of his
child, “…I shall go to him…” (23), a view of eternity. So many resolve to do this and so many lose
interest after a week or two. Find a
nearby church of Christ
6.
Turn
and comfort others (24). We cannot
forget that Bathsheba lost a child, too.
David turned and comforted her.
We are able to comfort others with comfort we receive (2 Corinthians
1:3) and as we focus on others we take more attention from ourselves (Matthew
16:24).
To Whom shall we go when death arrives? The Lord has the answers for as death entered
the world through sin, Jesus bore that sin for us (Isaiah 53; 1 Peter
2:24). Has physical death caused you to
think of your spiritual life? Hear the
gospel of Christ (Romans 10:17; Matthew 15:10); believe what you hear for it is
of necessity (Hebrews 11:6; John 3:16); respond to the command of repentance
(Luke 13:3, 5; Acts 2:38); confess Christ as the Son of God (Matthew 10:32, 33;
Acts 8:37) and be baptized to be saved (Mark 16:16; 1 Peter 3:21) for your sins
to be remitted (Acts 2:38) as they are washed away (Acts 22:16). Baptism will put you in Christ as you put on
Christ (Galatians 3:27; Romans 6:3-6).
You will be added to the church (Acts 2:47) as you walk faithful for our
Lord (Revelation 2:10).
Contact the nearest church of Christ
[1] Mikeal
Hughes sermon, Adversity, point III, Poolishing the Pulpit, 2006. The points were granted by Mikeal with the
comments mine, JRA.
[2] I share
a book with so many titled Grief
Resolvement by Judy Van Dyke. If you
would like a free copy, please contact me at jeff_archey@yahoo.com. Funeral homes also offer a variety of
material coupled with grief support groups.
